Dear Parents:

Parties are an important part of our teenagers’ lives: they are an outlet for socializing, relaxation and entertainment. Unfortunately, a poorly planned party can result in

unwanted, even tragic, consequences. This booklet is designed to help you and your teens throw a successful party and avoid potential problems.

Parents Guide to Teenage Parties includes a planning guide for parents hosting teen

parties, suggestions for parents whose children are attending parties, information

about laws restricting alcohol and other drug use, tempting recipes for nonalcoholic

punches, and ideas for lively party themes and activities. We are confident that you

will find this booklet a helpful guide to planning parties for teenagers that are both

fun and safe.

Sincerely,

Cheshire Youth- Safe, Clean and Sober

John drank mostly on weekends, mostly beer. He drank to be sociable. He was just like everyone else in high school. Except, as a result of his drinking, John’s life came to a tragic end.

Early on Saturday morning, John died in a car crash. His blood alcohol concentration (BAC)

was found to be 0.234 percent, well over the 0.10 percent that is considered legal intoxication in most states.

John was just 16 years old. He was not a problem child, a social outcast or “deviant”. In fact, he was typical of young people in our society whose alcohol and other drug use is a widespread problem. In many communities, both urban and rural, teenagers view alcohol or other drug use as a way to make friends, to gain acceptance, to escape from problems and to feel adult.

This exercise will help parents and teenagers talk about getting home safely and discuss differing points of view. Listed

are some common family rules and situations parents or teenagers may encounter. Participants should rate the three alternatives that follow each situation as (1) the best option, (2) an acceptable solution, or (3) the worst option. Parents

and teenagers can either rate the alternatives together or record their answers separately and then compare notes.

Family Rule: No one under the legal drinking age may use alcohol.

What if a teenager makes a mistake and drinks some beer with some friends?

A. The teenager should drive the car home and try to hide his/her drinking from parents. If no one finds

out, there's no harm done.

B. The teenager should find a sober friend to drive him/her home and pick up the car in the morning.

C. The teenager should call parents or another responsible adult for a safe ride home.

What are some other acceptable alternatives?

What if a teenager who has violated family rules against drinking calls his/her parents for a safe ride home?

A. A parent should pick up the teenager, immediately confront him or her about violating rules against

drinking and invoke disciplinary measures that have been previously discussed.

B. A parent should provide safe transportation home and wait until morning when everyone is sober and

calmer to talk about violating rules and discipline.

C. A parent should let the youth know that it's his/her responsibility to find a safe way home since s/he was responsible for breaking the family rules in the first place.

What are some other acceptable alternatives?

Family Rule: Young people may not attend parties where alcohol and /or other drugs are available.

What if a teenager goes to a party with friends and discovers that some kids are smoking marijuana?

A. The teenager should try smoking marijuana to fit in with friends, but leave the party early.

B. The teenager should decline offers to smoke marijuana, but remain at the party to demonstrate that people can have a good time without the use of drugs.

C. The teenager should decline any marijuana and leave the party as soon as possible.

What are some other acceptable alternatives?

Family rule: Adults must not drive if they've had too much to drink, and they should refuse to ride

with any other adults who have drunk too much.

What if your dad's boss drives your parents to a party, where she drinks too much and insists on driving

them home?

A. Your parents should take her keys and then call a cab or find a safe way home (maybe by calling you)

for themselves and the boss.

B. Your parents should make excuses and leave the party in a cab or with a safe driver and let the party

host deal with the boss.

C. Your parents should ride home with the boss so she doesn't get upset.

What are some other acceptable alternatives?

Remember: The intent of this exercise is not to point out right and wrong answers, but to

allow parents and teenagers to discuss which alternatives are best for your family.

Parents are their childrens’ most influential role models. Think about the choices you make regarding alcohol at parties you host for adults. Your actions influence your teen much more than any verbal guidelines you set.

Teens frequently party at home when their parents are away. If your family rules prohibit unsupervised teen parties, make sure your children understand that no parties are allowed

when parents aren’t home. If you must be away, make arrangements for quality supervision to ensure

protection for you and your teen. Let neighbors know when you will be gone.

Parents should get to know their youth’s friends and their parents.

Parents should look to each other for support and guidance. It is easier to see that guidelines

are followed if your teen’s friends have the same ground rules. And it’s much easier to tackle alcohol and

other drug problems facing children in your community if you have the support of other parents.

Parents can and should share the responsibility of chaperoning parties. If your hosting a party,

ask parents of your teenager’s friends to come and join in the fun. If you son or daughter is attending a

party at someone else’s house, ask if there’s anything you can do to help. In addition, volunteer

chaperones often are welcome at school parties and other community activities.

One of the most catastrophic consequences of alcohol or other drug abuse among adults and teenagers is a traffic accident.

By the time your teen is driving or riding with friends who drive, you should have discussed both your teenager’s perspective and how you feel about mixing driving with drinking alcohol or using drugs. Your family should establish firm, clear rules against driving after using alcohol or another drug or riding with drivers who have been drinking or using other drugs. Take the time to talk with your youth about the dangers and legal problems that can result and suggest alternatives to riding with a drunk or “high” driver. Clearly express your concern for his/her safety and well being.

Make sure that your young person is aware of all available alternatives to riding with a drunk or “high” driver: calling a cab or taking public transportation, calling home for a ride, or contacting another responsible adult or friend for a safe way home. You should also decide how family rules against drinking, drugs and driving apply to teenagers and adults. Some parents and teenagers even sign contracts that set out in writing what everyone will do to find a safe ride.

A ban on teenage drinking is not only the rule in most families - it is illegal in all states for people under age

21 to drink alcohol. Teenagers who drink-and adults who supply teenagers with alcohol-can be arrested.

And laws against using illegal drugs, transporting alcohol illegally and driving while intoxicated have been strengthened in many states and communities. Parents and teenagers should understand state laws, local ordinances and school regulations that restrict alcohol and other drug use. If you have any questions about

those laws contact the police department in your community.

Young people face many pressures to use alcohol and other harmful drugs, including:

The daily bombardment of television and other media messages promoting alcohol and other drugs to give pleasure and reduce pain;

The influence of peers who drink alcohol and/or use other drugs;

Role models set by well-known singers, actors and athletes;

Even mixed messages from within their own homes and communities.

A recent national survey from the Hazelden Foundation in Minnesota shows that peer pressure is not

the top reason teenagers use alcohol or other drugs. 79% of teens stated that their number one reason

for using alcohol or drugs is the “feeling of being drunk or high.” 67% said that they use alcohol or

drugs to “help

them forget their problems.” The survey showed that most parents wrongly assume that peer pressure

is the number one reason why teenagers use alcohol and other drugs. Parents coping with a child

using alcohol or drugs must look deeper to find real reasons why their child uses.

As a parent, how many times have you felt helpless and alone when trying to provide guidelines for

your teenagers? Do you fell that messages from peers, the media and society have a greater influence

on your children than your own parental direction? It’s often tempting for parents to expect schools, the police or other outside agencies to solve the alcohol/drug problem, but while these agencies can and do

help, the most basic responsibility for guidance remains with you, the parent.

Teenagers deserve to live and grow into adulthood in an environment where alcohol and other drugs are

not misused. Don’t be misled by this plea: “But all the other parents let their kids do it.” Some parents

do compound the problem by permitting their underage children, their children’s friends, to drink at

home. This can only add to a teenager’s confusion about the acceptability of drinking. Although

seldom expressed, surveys show that most teenagers appreciate it when their parents set boundaries

and establish expectations that are fairly enforced.

The purpose of this booklet is to help you guide your teens at times when young people have the

greatest desire or face the most pressure to drink, at parties they either host or attend. Please read this

booklet, and refer to it often. You may not find it easy to follow all these guidelines. And, of course,

each family should consider our suggestions in light of its own values. When parents establish and

clearly communicate reasonable standards, the entire community benefits. Please take this

opportunity to join with others to provide a positive environment in which our teenagers don’t need

alcohol or other drugs to have fun.

Set the ground rules with your teen before the party.

Your child needs to know what you expect and why you are setting ground

rules. Let your child how you would respond to problems so s/he knows what to expect if the situation ever happens.

Share responsibility for hosting the party. Both you and your teen should have the opportunity to express feelings and concerns.

You and your teen should understand local and state laws about alcohol and other drugs. It is illegal to offer alcohol to guests under the legal drinking age or to allow guests to use drugs in your home. You may be brought to court on criminal charges and/or fined monetary damages in a civil lawsuit if you furnish alcohol or other drugs to minors.

You and your child should decide if the ground rules you set now are in effect at all parties. Sometimes parties occur spontaneously. In those cases, it’s safer and easier to maintain control if guidelines are understood.

Decide what part of the house will be used for the party. Choose an area where guests will be comfortable and where you can maintain supervision.

Limit party attendance and times.

Small groups are easier to handle. Open-hour parties make it difficult for hosts to maintain control. Other parents will appreciate time limits that enable teens to be home at a reasonable time.

Make it clear that party-crashing is not allowed.

Plan to have plenty of food and nonalcoholic drinks on hand.

Encourage your teen to organize group activities or games. Such activities keep the party lively and ensure involvement by everyone.

Make sure you (or another responsible adult who understands your ground rules) will be present for the entire party.

Help keep supplies of snacks and nonalcoholic beverages on hand for guests. Not only will your presence help the party run smoothly, but it will also allow you to meet your son’s or daughter’s friends.

Do not allow guests to come and go. This guideline will discourage teens from leaving the party to drink or use other drugs elsewhere and then returning.

Avoid easy access to alcohol and other drugs in your home.

Be alert to signs of alcohol or other drug use by teenagers at the party.

Be prepared to ask guests to leave if they try to bring in alcohol or

other drugs or if they refuse to cooperate with your expectations.

Be willing to call the police if unwanted guests refuse to leave.

Notify the parents of any teenager who arrives at the party drunk or

under the influence of another drug to ensure his/her safe

transportation home.

Do not let anyone drive under the influence of alcohol or other drugs,

even if it means taking the keys calling a cab or asking a sober adult to give the teenager a ride home.

Know where your teenager will be and for how long s/he will be there. Obtain the address and phone number of the party-giver. Let your teen know that you expect a phone call if the location of the party

is changed.

Contact the parents of the party-giver to verify the occasions; offer assistance; make sure a parent will be present; be certain that alcohol and other drugs will not be permitted.

Know how your child will get home from the party. Assure your teen that you or

a specific friend or neighbor can be called for a ride home. Make sure teen has that phone number

and discuss with your son or daughter the possible situations in which s/he might need to make

such a call.

Discuss with your teen how to handle a situation where alcohol or

other drugs are available at a party. Let your teen know what you expect. If your family

has set firm guidelines against illegal drinking, make those guidelines clear.

Help your teen come up with ways to refuse alcohol or other drugs.

Make sure your teenager knows what time s/he is expected to be home.

Be awake or have your son or daughter awaken you when s/he gets home. This is often a good time

to talk about the party and how s/he felt about the event.

If your teenager stays overnight with a friend after a party, check with the

parents of the friend to verify that they want your child to stay over and that they will be home. Spontaneous “sleep over” arrangements should always be confirmed with the host-parents.